I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So apparently I’m into choking now
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