you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
