There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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