Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
