I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
