Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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