What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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