My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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