thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
