grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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