someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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