Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
