why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
