he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
