It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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