I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
