a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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