Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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