I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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