tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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