You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
