I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
