I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
