Christians are straight up FREAKS
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
