All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Naked. naked and bneed help.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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