I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
