Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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