If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
