please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
