he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
this boner is exhausting
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
