I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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