I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
