i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
