So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
