hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
