I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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