I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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