Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
