took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
