I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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