It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
