Fuck appropriateness.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
