the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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