just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
