She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
