Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
