i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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