yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
