I'm going to jail i love you
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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