piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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