I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Congratulations! We have a period
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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