I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
