i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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