Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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