I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
