lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
