hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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