my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
