The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
