Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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