dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize