I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Let's paint friendship bongs
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
