you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
