There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
im six kinds of drunk right now
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
