I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i out mim tonsoeep
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize