3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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