I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i don't like sucking hair
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
