mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize