he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
