strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
