I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so explain again why im purple
no
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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