But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
