I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
