Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
one might say we're banned from that church
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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